haven't written in nearly a month and can't believe it and god is it hot here.

i mean really really a million of hot.

i love you all so much that i will spare you the details of my tendonitis and heart murmur.

so the only substantive thing that i have to say is that i feel a big shift in my life coming on, sort of like the way you begin to feel that "almost time for school" feeling in the late summer/early fall.

when i get this feeling, it equals starting to really write again. not here but in private. not here but for serious real. (in an attempt to finish 'diorama' perhaps). and html is frustrating me and on and on. that is a sidenote.

or sidehatch.

but besides the wanting to write thing is the wanting to be in a new location (which, conveniently, i will be by 7/25) and wanting to love (which i think i am accomplishing well) and wanting to get back in touch with various loved ones (that makes it sound shallow, but it isn't, it's quite major really).

and i am back into the habit of writing long emails again, and telling people what they mean to me (frequently and profusely?) and reuniting and getting ready to lift many heavy objects up and down 4 flights of stairs.

that is okay, stairs are a big part of my dreamlife.

co-workers and colleagues alike are milling about in my head even when they are absent from my evening office hours. i'm remembering my former students lately, wondering what they are doing with their lives, wondering where in the hell my life will take me next.

it's exhilarating to embrace that wondering. it feels good to be in the dark in some respects. the dark is warm for now. and there are known objects in my dark, one in particular, who is waiting for me to step forward a little further into this -our unknown space together- and i will get there

i promise.