Checklist for an AWESOME* Thanksgiving in LA

• 4+ hour flight with boyfriend fidgeting, jostling and cranky, bitching about his gameboy and fellow passengers the entire time.

check.

• violently puke entire t-giving dinner abruptly and for no apparent reason (after one glass of wine) mere hours after you get off the plane.

check.

• after aforementioned puking, no one, not even your live-in, long-time boyfriend, offers you assistance or expresses any sympathy whatsoever
  except to say "ew, the bathroom smells now" to your other friends.

check. (now you know this doesn't bode well.)

• former(?) best friend spills a bag of 15 pills of e out on the coffee table, bragging about the good times ahead (after a prior email exchange last week in which she asked me
  how i felt about it and i said something to the effect of, "ummm, not so much.")

check.

• friday night two of my closest friends and boyfriend down a pill each at 7 pm. not once do they ask me if i mind, if i care. my boyfriend doesn't ask me in private-- no one says
  a word to me at all. so, i read the latest issue of Wired.

check.

• aforementioned friends and bf decide to snort some 'e' since it isn't working fast enough or
  intensely enough for them. i sit around.

check.

• numerous times throughout the evening, i enter a room and everyone
  else leaves, or someone makes a comment to me like "this is a personal
  conversation." (read: please leave).

check

• i go to the bedroom to try and sleep around 2 a.m. they've just taken
  their 2nd or 3rd pills. i don't realize they are planning to take the
  entire bag of pills.

check.

• everything is consistently "INTERESTING" and LOUD

check.

• 5 a.m.: i wake up when i hear glass smashing. i enter the kitchen to find bf attempting to wash dishes, but he is hallucinating, since he has taken his 4th pill recently, and "everything has a halo" and no depth perception. i walk back into the bedroom and shut the door, in total
  disbelief that they haven't even peaked on their last pill yet.

check.

• 6 a.m.? everything is still VERY "INTERESTING" and loud.

check.

• 9 a.m. i get up, shower, and leave to get myself some coffee and
  breakfast, wander around the neighborhood for lack of anything better to do, since there are a bunch of wasted bodies on the apartment floor.

• check.

• for the remainder of the weekend, as the other 3 "friends" talk and
  laugh and re-hash the grand drug marathon awesomeness and various other inside jokes and insights, i find that i have very little to say to them. and nothing to say to bf, who makes one humiliating, half-assed attempt, way after the fact, to ask me why i seem upset.

check.

• every subsequent morning i get up early and go exploring on my own. HIGHLIGHT of the entire trip: i get a manicure and pedicure (and massage) for
  $12! (during which my host calls to say that if i am not back by 1pm they are going to lunch without me, sorry.)

check.

• i have a few drinks and stare off into space. (repeat every remaining
  evening there).

check.

happy fucking thanksgiving.

* i am sooo too old for this bullshit.