there's always an impetus to meld disparate events in my life together so that they can be transformed into some neat 'n tidy anecdote or essay or diary entry. everything should fit together and make thematical sense, right?

i talked to one of my old professors this morning while at my state-owned desk and it was nice but now, some 1 1/2 hours later i feel a wave of sadness coming over me that i cannot control and gosh i wish it was just hunger.

and i also had a nice talk with a co-worker about all sorts of stuff-- think tanks and medical/military research and conspiracy theory and maybe those topics don't constitute a "nice talk," but it was intellectually stimulating, and that type of stimulus is in high demand and short supply in my daily life.

there's an enormous navel orange on my desk but i'm not in the mood for an orange.

just yesterday i found out that i have a somewhat chronic condition called Carotidynia-- (which explains my ongoing neck pain). It's similar to a chronic viral inflammation or infection of my carotid artery.

of course, they can't cure it but only treat the symptoms with painkillers or steroids. blah.

wow, maybe i do have things to feel sad about.

i'm trying to get the house and my office in order and it just won't order.

there are piles everywhere that i don't have the energy to pick through.

and i am obsessing about the onset of spring. though far away, i'm planning my gardens and thinking about home improvement.

no poems are happening.