tonight there was a spontaneous slumber party and a few staged pillow fights. we wore wigs and shiny bras. we ate frosties and got stoned. we made white russians. we took snapshots.

i thought (as i have often thought in the last few months) 'this is what life can be like without homework.' what i really meant was - this is what life can be like when women are your primary informants.

_n_ and i had an engaging conversation about bravery at two o'clock this morning. i told her that i didn't just admire the gutsy things she embarked upon, but i admired her perspective, her total lack of regret and resentment, her admission that she 'carried some things from the past along with her, but only until she settled down in her new place.'

i wish i could do that. or i do do that but to a lesser extent. all of a sudden i am surrounded by these confident and boisterous females. all of a sudden i am not feeling quite so numbed as i have in the recent past.

and it isn't just wakefulness, but availability. what i think is, i am available to you.

i am making myself available to you, and i am just not afraid of all that that implies.

As _n_ so generically put it, 'there’s always europe, in the summer, on a boat, in a pair of khakis.'